Dogbane Beetle

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the cover of an 8-page zine, which says “you taught / teach me” across the front in big letters. 'you' is in block letters, 'taught / teach' is in cursive, and 'me' is in my own weird handwriting! along the complete bottom is some washi tape of eyes & lips, with dark red & blue & yellow colors. slightly above it, on the right side, there's a used yellow butterfly stamp!

the first page starts with “you taught me how to love— with every letter a pressed flower art project ‘OUROBOROS’ exclamation, with every playlist a series of the torso. you say “I love you a whole lot” like someone full of love and I feel it all. you are a world of exploration + sensation, and have taught me to pay attention. I think you must have more nerve endings than the rest of us. I think there must be something that makes you so beautifully in touch with a world I've barely begun to imagine. if there’s not, I don't know how someone would have a heart so sweet— a fruit cracked open in my palm for sharing.” along the right side of the page is the cut off left hand of a woman & a bird that continues over to the second page, which is mostly taken up by a cut out of a painting of a woman in a dress and with a flower crown in her hair sitting in a garden. it's warm toned with a purple background, and a little 'bird' has been cut out and placed underneath her arm. in the top left corner of this page, there are the words “you flutter like a bird in the heart” and then lots of little lines to fill up space.

across the top of both pages three and four, there's a cut out line from a book that says “I said that even if he wanted to be a poet he had to prepare himself to be a poet. So then I said to him what I've never said before. I said: 'I love you, [].'” above that, there's some little lines drawn in black pen to fill the space. page three continues, “we talk too little, yet you're present in my heart like I've always heard from you just a moment ago. my heart flushes when you cross my mind, like the cheeks of a six year old in love. I think they can love, don't you? my heart knows. you would be someone to know it. sensations like these can be so overwhelming, but they're so beautiful, too.” in the bottom left corner, there's a little used stamp of a red and blue bird with black & white on its face, and the writing wraps around it. next to the cut up line from the book at the top of page four, there are stickers of two koi fish— one yellow and one orange/red. the page continues to read “we've known each other so long now, I don't know what to think. it feels unreal, and I'm so grateful. time is one of those gifts that's now or never. I'm thinking of a song that goes 'I wish I found you sooner / I could've loved you longer' + feeling grateful for our youth + our time together. it's funny that I know so inherently you'll never fully leave my life. I think we must be tied in some way that the universe won't allow us to, though I don't know what way. I should thank 'the way'.”

across the bottom of most of page five and all of page six, there's a cut out of a photo of a castle's front in a sort of sepia-toned black and white. in the top right corner of the fifth page, there's a used stamp of a few green & red chili peppers, and in the bottom left, there's a little sticker of a vine. the page reads “it's spring as I write this, a time I know you have odd [not mixed] feelings about. thank you for sharing them with me. your love of rebirth + cycles has infested me— made its own little nest-- and is a welcome guest. I love the spring + its new growth + the awful allergies it brings. I love the sun that comes with it.” above the castle on the right side of page six, there's a little sticker of a flowering fruit. the text on that page reads “rebirth is our middle name! it's what we're all about. you + I are ever-changing, in ourselves + how we connect, and yet so cyclical. I love you the same + more + different each year. thank you for being you with me each year. I love every letter written on sheet music + every sporadic text. you're an everlasting spring.”

the back cover of the book says “this was long, and I love you deeply. hello & thank you to any secondary audiences. until the morning, xalli | apr 1, 2024 | for cal/baz/ferris/any future names” with a little cutout of a piece of colorful dragon art and then a holographic sticker of sanrio's cinnamoroll being kissed on the cheek by a sheep! along the bottom is some washi tape of eyes & lips, with dark red & blue colors.