i'm listening to yo la tengo for the first time right now. i've heard of it lots from one friend in particular, and i always loved the way the band name sounded. something about the three words roll into each other so well. it feels sort of tangy, almost, but still soft & rumbly & low. for some reason, though, i never gave them a listen until now
i'm actually only listening to them now because i just bought a donut called 'yo la mango' from a store that names all theirs after bands [and it was fantastic]. we also got a couple pints of ice cream [roasted strawberry & sea salt truffle] from a vegan softserve place, plus a little ice cream cone from another place. it's sort of funny-- i think we have a little routine every time we go around there, now. my mom & i check out donuts, and then her partner & i check out this one ice cream place with weird flavors, and then i run out early with my mom to see if i want anything from the vegan ice cream place, and then her partner meets us there. i love it so much. it feels like a silly little tradition & i likee how natural it is
i've been pretty exhausted the last few days. i started working at this awesome sew shop/fashion company the same day they started a photoshoot for their new website layout, and it's been incredibly hectic, but also really fun. everyone there is so sweet & weird & lovely, and i adore the atmosphere. it's been a lot of learning inventory & colors, helping customers, and changing the cases on pillows for new photos, but today, i got to model, too. i felt excited & freaked out at the same timee, but it was fun being in front of the camera and letting my role in the world be to feel confident & good for a little while. i never got to see the pictures, which freaks me out a bit, but they should go up on the site this friday... we'll see how it goes, i guess
it's been seven hour work days mostly on my feet, though, which is a lot for me to handle. i'm trying to get used to it, and it really is worth it, but i'm just very exhausted. i started martyr! by kaveh akbar yesterday, though, and it blew my mind right away-- reminded me a lot of tommy orange's style [who i later realized is one of the 'praise for' quotes on the back cover]. i just know it's one of those books i'm going to blow through, and that's going to inspire me to no end. i'm so entranced already and only 50 pages in
i've only read a couple books like that. there, there was one, and so was stone butch blues. kitchen [banana yoshimoto] changed me in some pretty big ways, too, but i don't think that it was as immediately & intensely inspiring for me. i don't know. reading is so beautiful. finding those stories that sit with you forever is like nothing else. at the same time, though, i feel like there's so much value in that not being every book you read. i've found so much wisdom in all the books i've read & stories i've heard that didn't resonate strongly with me, but gave me something new all the same. i'm thankful for every story i've ever encountered, y'know?
i forgot to ever say in my last little blog that i watched this incredible movie with my girlfriend when i was in guatemala called 'ya no estoy aquí' or 'i'm no longer here'. it's one of those that really just stuck with me, and i know it's going to continue to. something about all the aesthetics, and the quiet of it mixed with the beautifully liud music & how ulises likes to listen to distorted versions of it by keeping his music player on low battery. something about the connections he makes with his beautiful friends, the music they make & dance to, and even people he doesn't share a language with. i love that the ending wasn't a conclusion, either. it isn't a story for your entertainment-- just sharing a story for the sake of sharing it, and the importance in that. you should watch it
my ears keep filling up with air & refuse to fully pop, and my eyes are blurry from tearing up with every yawn, and i feel very grounded in my body, for better or for worse. it's sort of cool this time. i usually just feel frustrated, but i sort of appreciate how it all encloses me in my body right now. i'm not sure what's different. maybe i just feel safer & more comfortable right now-- listening to 'little eyes' on my bed, in my new trap girl shirt & comfy flannel
i bought this flannel on monday, actually, from an old middle school choir friend. they told me they were happy it was going to someone they thought would take care of it, and i had to keep myself from melting. there's something about being viewed as safe for loved things that's so special. i honestly thought that was all, and then they told me they never got to say it, but wanted to let me know they once read my writing and that it really struck them-- that they didn't think a lot of aspiring writers have all the skill, and that i really do. it was one of those moments where you experience so much kindness, it feels sort of surreal. i don't even know what to say about it
the flannel has been really comforting the couple days since then. it's too hot to wear it to work, but when i get home, i just put it on & sit & read & write & call my friends, and it feels like a companion or a hug or something like that. it's light & airy, but also so warm, and i feel at home in it. i hadn;t been sure about buying it, but now i'm so thankful for it
'you are here' was playing while i wrote that, and now 'saturday' is. yo la tengo's really wonderful. i've been more into punk rock lately, but it's been very comforting writing music, and i think it'd be good reading music, too